♥ Am I Back ♥

I have almost forgotten how I love to blog until I searched for my blog's url and read again my posts 5 years ago. The posts reminded me a lot of my sad experiences and happy stories. I feel touched when I read and I can still remember vividly what was happened during the past 5 years. I lost my dearest grandpa and I am still hard to accept the truth. I know this very well especially when I saw his photo in one of my post and I can feel the sourness in my nose as well as the warm water twisted in my eyes. His leaving changed me. I insisted to reveal it to anyone because I understand I am not the only one who need to endure the soreness of losing someone you love. Last night, I had a video call with my grandma, my empathy to her is even stronger when I saw her scrawny face. I have many stories to share yet I tend to keep it personal because we learned to be self-protective when we come of age. I am afraid of being exposed to everyone including the people who criticized me. I brought my mind to the previous me at the moment I read one of my writing about myself to live beyond others' expectation and definition. I am glad that I used to share my life experiences in this blog so I can still remember all my memories after 5 years and I am enjoyable in reading all of them. I am still proud to be me. Thank you for the people in my life. I am grateful that I can get rid of a dull life with the appearance of everyone of you in my life no matter how long you been. It's time to transformation in term of integrity. 

It has been 3 months I leave my home country,
Here I came to a new environment in Japan.
This lovely place located in Ishikawa Prefecture.
Once again I experience many of FIRST time here.
I have my First Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, 

Ukrainian, German, American, Indonesian....  friends.

In diversity, learned their spirit and their cultures.

Fortunately, I am still proud as Malaysian.

Hopefully, Malaysians can eliminate the habit of sub-grouping.

Tough journey but I have faith in Malaysians.

We can be better than this once we are united.

To my love in my life,

I appreciate your great efforts,

I may be not confident sometime,

I am afraid of changing my mind too,

I had a dream a couple nights ago,

I confide deep in my heart and soul,

I can only share my love with you,

I wish our love will be blessed forever.

~I will be back~

♥ To Choose ♥

 It has been almost a year I never been here. Tonight is the right time to ponder what I have done throughout the year. Time flies in a wink, from the last semester of my degree life to my first job life and I am now welcoming the next adventures of my future. I faced a lot of  confusions and struggles in making decisions among family, friends, lover, colleagues and so on. I took a longer way to make my move from time to time. I did mistakes and I gained tolerances from the people around me. I am sorry that I might be too stubborn to listen or accept something that I am disagreed with. I do not know how well I understand myself but I figured out that nobody will know me more than myself. I came to the age where I have to choose every single decision and be responsible to what I have chosen. I know this is tiring but I have to do so in order to build a better future for me. 

I know I am leaving very soon,

I feel heavy while count-downing,

I am eagerly to hold you tight,

I have lost my rationality,

I did this because I care for you,

I am glad to have you by my side,

I pray hard every moment,

I hope everything will go smooth,

I wish all my dreams will come true.

Thank you for that lonely night,
Your accompanying comforted me, 
I remembered you said to me,
Please be sincere to your heart,
Chase away all your afraid,
Reveal to someone you trust,
I told you something honestly,
It was true, WAS a truth...

P/S: When love is faded away, what will I do? What will you do? Do 2 years are too long or short for the answer? Only god knows...

♥ My Journey ♥

Recently, I was inspired by a local mandarin's movie named "The Journey" and I am going to share parts of my journey here although it had been abandoned for quite some times. I was in a phone call with my dearest man few days ago, undoubtedly it was homesick although I am already pursuing nearly four years in this land which is far across the South China Sea from my hometown. I feel perplexed by many elements surrounding me and yet I have the difficulty to express myself. This is obvious when I was assigned (automatically) as leader of some groups to accomplish my projects and tasks. Sometimes, I really envy my friends, they have the fearless spirit to grab anything they wanted to and to release themselves whatever they are unable to withstand. They are just perfect in expressing and releasing they vent or happiness in an easy way. Since when I forgot my personality, I guess I must be lost it along my journey when I go further......

In my journey, I met many wonderful people and experienced awesome things and places. I discovered different parts of myself and I lose some of them, this is how I keep searching, gaining and losing after so many years. I realized that sometimes I was improving yet I was falling back because I never practice myself to record my present thoughts and reflections instantly. As time passes, I find myself lack of writing experiences to express myself appropriately. I feel happy now because I start writing again after a long time. This is my journey, this is my story, this is my lifestyle.

Love is a sostenuto practice,

to families, friends and lover.

Love is an intensive shortcut,

to growing, succeed and wisdom.

Love is a sharing moment,

through the bitters and sweets.

Life is like a hot air balloon,

sustains dreams and adventures,

rises up by warmer air in cool circumstance,

reminds me to keep a lighter heart in heavy mood,

goes down by letting out the hot air in the balloon,

shows me venting out bad temper can lead to disasters.

This is how my journey is all about,

enjoy it while balance it.

♥ A Little Thing called First Love ♥

This is the collection of my love stories ~ ♥

At the beginning of this post, frankly, I would like to write about what is love. I found out that it is hard for me to define "love" that is following what I exactly feel about love. Love can be sweet and sour, can be ups and downs, can be fast and slow, can be hot like summer and cold like winter, can be tender and gloomy...... For me, a simple love yields countless happiness. ^^ I saw a funny post from fb before this, the post was almost like this: What's outside brings loves together, but what's inside integrates loves forever. Apparently, one's appearance can attract someone to fall in love with, but one's nature can determine how long they can be stay together. I am lucky because we are the latter. 

My first love is embraced by you~

My first guy is destined to you~

My true heart is seized by you~

Our fist trip is alighted by you~ 

We bosom sweet moments together~

Bit by bit becoming our memories~

I never ask for perfect man~

I never need a flawless relationship~

I only wish to enjoy a simple love~

With you, set the trivial thing off~

The little thing called first love~