不要怀疑，就是写给你看的

好一句：催。催。催。天天催。。。

一个能力范围之内的事情。

如果你觉得需要超过半年还不做。

你还有资格这样来抱怨。

你知道我在意的那份心意在哪里。

一个简单的要求。

是为了考虑到你。

不想刁难为难你。

我降低了标准。

我委屈了自己。

你还想怎么样。

我不能怎么样了。。。

难道我过分了吗？

今天因为你，我伤心了。

一辈子都要记得！

不要怪我幼稚。

我是太久没有任性了。

不代表你就可以敷衍我。

不要让我的不理智占据了我所有的思想！

♥ Black and Red ♥

My first autumn in Japan and I am pretty lonely. The fallen leaves and the freezing cold wind blows towards my warm face. It has been months and seasons yet I still cannot remember the disappearance of you from my life forever. I  remember that night, my tears bursted out of you because I thought you were still can watch me for every important processes in the rest of my life. This is the second times, I dreamed of you and it is the third times I have to accept the fact. I know the feeling of repentance will get stronger as time passes because I dislike the leaving without a word. I know god wants me to learn how to accept and let go of you. Last night, I saw you alive right by my side but you left me again...... The reality never changed and I am not changing as before... I am still sad....

This morning, I strolled around the campus alone. I really enjoyed my time with the falling maple leaves along the quiet alley (I longed for this red leaves watching in Canada when I was in my secondary school). The journey alone might be timid, sometimes I lose the courages, the only motivation is the instinct of adventurer. It keeps me moving to the unknown future. It is similar to the fact that I would never know when I can actually let go of you... 

有人说叶子的离开是受不住风的诱惑～

我看这片红叶只不过是想把愉快的红点缀大地的黑～

每一片红叶都承载着枫树的祝福～

从树枝展翅，轻盈地飘舞，完美的降落～

虽然短暂却都是赏心悦目的过程～

秋季也谓思念之季～

遍地的落叶，数不尽的思念～

任由无关痛痒的人无情践踏～

只有付出情感的人才懂得珍惜～

每每红枫叶都是种种美好回忆～

想说不要执着于离开了枫树避风港～

就算失去了曾经最真挚的亲近～

总会有个人把你捧在手中～

你愿意成为我的神仙棒吗？

陪我创造更多神奇的未来吗？

I miss you 

♥ Am I Back ♥

I have almost forgotten how I love to blog until I searched for my blog's url and read again my posts 5 years ago. The posts reminded me a lot of my sad experiences and happy stories. I feel touched when I read and I can still remember vividly what was happened during the past 5 years. I lost my dearest grandpa and I am still hard to accept the truth. I know this very well especially when I saw his photo in one of my post and I can feel the sourness in my nose as well as the warm water twisted in my eyes. His leaving changed me. I insisted to reveal it to anyone because I understand I am not the only one who need to endure the soreness of losing someone you love. Last night, I had a video call with my grandma, my empathy to her is even stronger when I saw her scrawny face. I have many stories to share yet I tend to keep it personal because we learned to be self-protective when we come of age. I am afraid of being exposed to everyone including the people who criticized me. I brought my mind to the previous me at the moment I read one of my writing about myself to live beyond others' expectation and definition. I am glad that I used to share my life experiences in this blog so I can still remember all my memories after 5 years and I am enjoyable in reading all of them. I am still proud to be me. Thank you for the people in my life. I am grateful that I can get rid of a dull life with the appearance of everyone of you in my life no matter how long you been. It's time to transformation in term of integrity. 

It has been 3 months I leave my home country,
Here I came to a new environment in Japan.
This lovely place located in Ishikawa Prefecture.
Once again I experience many of FIRST time here.
I have my First Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, 

Ukrainian, German, American, Indonesian....  friends.

In diversity, learned their spirit and their cultures.

Fortunately, I am still proud as Malaysian.

Hopefully, Malaysians can eliminate the habit of sub-grouping.

Tough journey but I have faith in Malaysians.

We can be better than this once we are united.

To my love in my life,

I appreciate your great efforts,

I may be not confident sometime,

I am afraid of changing my mind too,

I had a dream a couple nights ago,

I confide deep in my heart and soul,

I can only share my love with you,

I wish our love will be blessed forever.

~I will be back~

♥ To Choose ♥

 It has been almost a year I never been here. Tonight is the right time to ponder what I have done throughout the year. Time flies in a wink, from the last semester of my degree life to my first job life and I am now welcoming the next adventures of my future. I faced a lot of  confusions and struggles in making decisions among family, friends, lover, colleagues and so on. I took a longer way to make my move from time to time. I did mistakes and I gained tolerances from the people around me. I am sorry that I might be too stubborn to listen or accept something that I am disagreed with. I do not know how well I understand myself but I figured out that nobody will know me more than myself. I came to the age where I have to choose every single decision and be responsible to what I have chosen. I know this is tiring but I have to do so in order to build a better future for me. 

I know I am leaving very soon,

I feel heavy while count-downing,

I am eagerly to hold you tight,

I have lost my rationality,

I did this because I care for you,

I am glad to have you by my side,

I pray hard every moment,

I hope everything will go smooth,

I wish all my dreams will come true.

Thank you for that lonely night,
Your accompanying comforted me, 
I remembered you said to me,
Please be sincere to your heart,
Chase away all your afraid,
Reveal to someone you trust,
I told you something honestly,
It was true, WAS a truth...

P/S: When love is faded away, what will I do? What will you do? Do 2 years are too long or short for the answer? Only god knows...

♥ My Journey ♥

Recently, I was inspired by a local mandarin's movie named "The Journey" and I am going to share parts of my journey here although it had been abandoned for quite some times. I was in a phone call with my dearest man few days ago, undoubtedly it was homesick although I am already pursuing nearly four years in this land which is far across the South China Sea from my hometown. I feel perplexed by many elements surrounding me and yet I have the difficulty to express myself. This is obvious when I was assigned (automatically) as leader of some groups to accomplish my projects and tasks. Sometimes, I really envy my friends, they have the fearless spirit to grab anything they wanted to and to release themselves whatever they are unable to withstand. They are just perfect in expressing and releasing they vent or happiness in an easy way. Since when I forgot my personality, I guess I must be lost it along my journey when I go further......

In my journey, I met many wonderful people and experienced awesome things and places. I discovered different parts of myself and I lose some of them, this is how I keep searching, gaining and losing after so many years. I realized that sometimes I was improving yet I was falling back because I never practice myself to record my present thoughts and reflections instantly. As time passes, I find myself lack of writing experiences to express myself appropriately. I feel happy now because I start writing again after a long time. This is my journey, this is my story, this is my lifestyle.

Love is a sostenuto practice,

to families, friends and lover.

Love is an intensive shortcut,

to growing, succeed and wisdom.

Love is a sharing moment,

through the bitters and sweets.

Life is like a hot air balloon,

sustains dreams and adventures,

rises up by warmer air in cool circumstance,

reminds me to keep a lighter heart in heavy mood,

goes down by letting out the hot air in the balloon,

shows me venting out bad temper can lead to disasters.

This is how my journey is all about,

enjoy it while balance it.

♥ A Little Thing called First Love ♥

This is the collection of my love stories ~ ♥

At the beginning of this post, frankly, I would like to write about what is love. I found out that it is hard for me to define "love" that is following what I exactly feel about love. Love can be sweet and sour, can be ups and downs, can be fast and slow, can be hot like summer and cold like winter, can be tender and gloomy...... For me, a simple love yields countless happiness. ^^ I saw a funny post from fb before this, the post was almost like this: What's outside brings loves together, but what's inside integrates loves forever. Apparently, one's appearance can attract someone to fall in love with, but one's nature can determine how long they can be stay together. I am lucky because we are the latter. 

My first love is embraced by you~

My first guy is destined to you~

My true heart is seized by you~

Our fist trip is alighted by you~ 

We bosom sweet moments together~

Bit by bit becoming our memories~

I never ask for perfect man~

I never need a flawless relationship~

I only wish to enjoy a simple love~

With you, set the trivial thing off~

The little thing called first love~

♥ Double's Date ♥

It was mid-autumn festival, we went to Howdy restaurant for our dinner and then Taman Sahabat to celebrate this meaningful traditional festival. It was our first double's date even I had requested it few months ago. Obviously, we enjoyed our very first "Full Moon Day" in Kuching in such a sweet and warm occasion. As usual, I will let the pictures speak for the rest. 

Congratulation to the new sweet couples =)

This was his first time lighted up a sky lantern and 

I am the lucky girl to share our wishes together ♥

There were crowds played lanterns at Taman Sahabat in this special festival. 

Our couple'a lanterns. *peace*

My boy insisted to buy this for us. 

Thanks to him, we enjoyed flying our plane there.

Heart to heart, step by step, day by day,

I started my new chapter of life months ago,

no burden, no regret, no fake, 

I am blessed having you by my side,

thank you for everything you do for me.

♥ 1+0 Dinner ♥

A surprise from the special one ~ I had a lovely and delicious dinner with Korean people that night. ^^ Undoubtedly, my chubby face never betray my stomach. I ate all the dishes shown in the picture above!! Another surprise is when you gave me an envelope and when i listened to the song. I am touched yet I failed to give you a better response due to my dumbness. Thank you for everything, my only love~ 

p/s: Both of us explored the road in Kuching town to get to 101. Thanks to the vampire from the movie. It's really funny~ 

Officially it's our 1st date,

he is the romantic planner,

I'm the only special guest,

without flowers,

without candles,

without soft background music,

Everything is perfect,

because you are the one,

the one by my side~

♥ Fly into Raptures ♥

Recently, I have an old girl's friend who are studying abroad reminded me that my blog is all about sadness and heart-broken story. I realized that when I am down, I have the potential to write more meaningful words because I used to think more at that moment. After reading back my old articles, I found out that some parts of my memories were fade away little by little. Apparently, I am grow older and older! I promised her that I will start posting optimistic and happy articles in the next post, next next post and the posts in the future. =) This is the best medium for me to share and store all my feelings and happiness that can be flashed back when I read them in 30?40?perhaps 60? I guess I will be chuckling at myself for my childishness. 

Today is a special and important day to me. 20th May which is 520, in mandarin means I Love You. I can see everyone crazy posting about love you and love me things on FB since yesterday. Frankly, I have to reveal my answer last night but I request to make it tonight. This is because I realized the importance of the date that can become a sweet memory for us in the future. I may not be a romantic girl in your eyes, yet I just want to make every single thing in my life is special and worth to remember and appreciate. You are the lucky one ^^ No matter how is the ending of tonight, I am glad to know all the truth from you.

Before I stop writing, I would like to say " I Love You" to my dear family and friends. 

♥ Bybae always love you ♥

Holding the colourful balloons,

I try to jump higher and higher,

feel like I am tread on the air~

If the colourful balloons are happiness,

then I am the one who grab it tightly,

enjoy flying with them~

Because of YOU~

who colours up my life~

I become the most blissful girl ♥

Intricacies of Life

Summary of my view on life at this 2.30am:

I always longing for a simple life. I always think I am happy and optimistic every moment in my life. I always convincing myself that a smile may make my world brighter, wider, better, more flexible and so on. What I think isn't what they see me from my outside. Perhaps what's inside messed up what's outside or another way round. Things may not need to be fair and clear all the time. Anyway, I met the one I think Mr. LC who will enlighten my future yet I find it so irony when I know him deeper. Beyond my expectation, another guy who means nothing to me seems make my life feels more comfortable and relax. I can't measure how important are them inside me yet they aren't my love for sure. Tonight I was so mad, another conflicts in life happened on me. I am sick of those freak people. I think I need to cultivate my accomplishment of EQ so that I won't contempt for their poverty of thought. Life is too complicated and confusing. I am still learning how to handle over it~ god bless~

Ear to Ear~

Eyes to Eyes~

Heart to Heart~

Time to Time~

Thanks for listen to me~

I TRUST you is the only reason~

The bridge links our happiness and sadness~

I love the way you pampering me ^^

♥ Self-Healing ♥

I have a story book~
This story book is still processing~
Perhaps it will become a history book~
I bet it will become a memoir in the future~
It may be a private collection~
Yet I hope you will be the only reader for the book~

I smile sweetly at my bloody wound~

with warm tears rolling in my eyes~

blowing it gently with my pink lips in O-shape~

A deep breath refreshing me~

I know it's time to let go~

Be a free girl soaring for better dreams~

♥ STOoooNE-Ly HEART ♥

I say ♥ is soft ~

Tolerance can be seem with a soft heart.

I say ♥ is warm ~

Warm can be felt with an enthusiastic heart.

I say ♥ is sincere ~

Sincere can be found with a true heart.

I say ♥ is tough ~

A tough heart is transformed when determination is made.

I found this special love shape stone at Lembah Bujang.

To Mr. L.C :

Please make me yours~

Or else I will be leaving peacefully~

From Ms. L.C

♥ Determination ♥

Frankly, human is a creation which is hard to understand and we can't judge a book by its cover. Everyday, we keep learning, practicing and experiencing to perform the perfect part of us to get a better life. Undoubtedly, what we are looking for is the outcome of happiness and gain more laughter in our life.

Some people Study HARD

while

Some people Work HARD

yet

Some people Play HARD

but

How to measure the Determination in someone?

As for me, I always longing for the simpleness. An insignificant action can bring me UP and DOWN! So, any single thing done by me can be counted as my determination towards my life as long as it is out of my life routine with some craziness.By the way, I learnt this very well and I practiced it thoroughly during my 4 months holidays.

1. I set my mind free for 4 months~ My brain must be rusting right now! =.="
2. I gained weight!! Pretty much!!
3. I traveled with my gangs and family~ 4 to 5 trips if not mistaken~
4. I tried to sleep alone at night~ I have to get used to this as I am staying in single room this sem~
5. I cut my hair short!! I keep my hair long since 9 years ago!!! NO REGRETsssssss~~

~BEFORE~

~AFTER~

p/s: I feel so fresh and excited after hair cutting ^^ I like my new hairstyle. =)

End of something must not be depressed~

Begin of something must not be pleased~

Even if tomorrow is the end of the world~

It will be the end of the misery and the begin of the prosperity~

That's the way we live for us ^^ you guys and me ♥

♥ Blissful Moment ♥

~ I ♥ Cake ~

~ I ♥ Nyonya Dumpling ~

~ I ♥ Malacca ~

I don't remember since when I am enamored to cake. I found out that I miss to eat cake so badly when I was in Kuching. Secret Recipe will comes into my mind when I want to eat cake at Unimas. That day, my coursemate discussed about the Layer Cake which is popular in Malacca and it really took my attention. So, I made up my mind to find the shop when I back from Kuching again.

I went traveling about 10 days with my seniors since the second day I went home from Unimas. Unfortunately, my grandparents were involved in accident at the last day of the trip. Without hesitation, I went Malacca together with my parents to visit my grandparents. Lastly, I decided to stay at Malacca to look after them for a fortnight. I learned many recipes from my grandma during this two weeks at Melacca. Apparently, I have many jolly moments with my grandparents and my relatives here.

Checklists done in this two weeks :

• Learning home cooking dishes.
• Learning how to play violin (the basic).
• Baking egg tart.
• Making nyonya dumpling.
• Tasting layer cake at Nadeje Patisserie Cafe.

Lets pass into the photo section :

You guys don't doubt me. All the dishes above were cooked by chef Bybae ^^

My cousin's violin. I only learned one simple kid's song.

Egg tart is one of my favourite food~

I am glad that my first try was so successful ^^

Nyonya dumpling is one type of Malacca heritage cuisine.

My grandfather's mum is from baba-nyonyas family so I as their descendant should learn how to make it. Actually I made this before but this time I learned the more proper dumpling wrapping skill.

I had high tea with my cousin and auntie at Nadeje Patisserie Cafe this afternoon. My piece was chocolate banana and my drink was summer dream ( non-alcoholic cocktail). I would like to recommend the ice shake too! It melted in my mouth so softly~ thumbs up!!

I ain't perfect~

The more I look back of my past,

The more I realized that I was bad.

Yet it never stops me to become better ^^

I still ♥ myself so much ~

♥ Stress-LESS Study+Exam weeks ♥

These were what I done during my study week and exam week ^^

They said :" We do everything during study week except STUDYING!"

Frankly, I feel the same and the hypothesis is proven~

Anyway, I do enjoyed the moments with my dear friends~

HERE WE GO >>>>>>>>>>

First durian in Unimas ^^

Sushi King at Boulevard.

I heart sunflowers !

Face-Wall in Apartment when there wasn't internet connection~

This is what called SS-ing = Syok Sendiri ^^

Our first pizza cake for the housemate.

A surprise with my lovely housemates.

Simple yet wonderful lunch~ We are talented!!

Another birthday part for the housemate who taught me a lot during my study and exam week ^^

Another paradise in Unimas.

A day with my coursemates ^^

3 genius in front of me!!

My dinner~ yummy ^^

We cry when we are sad!

We sing when we are happy!

We jump when we are excited!

We silent when we are serious!

We enjoy when we cherish among us!

Just do it instantly

because there isn't second take next time!

♥ Sweet Sour Me ♥

♥ Self-snapping moment ^^ ♥

The pink and pearly white balloons were so romantic ^^

Wonderful Sunday with the sweet cotton candy ^^

If I can have an aeroplane,

this will be the best thing for me right now..

My corporate shirt of my college ^^

My grandest cotton candy in my life ^^

p/s : I realized something yet I have to keep it from you.

I choose to leave and keep moving forward,

yet I come back to the original place

and stay at the same place again...

I am here when you aren't here,

you are there when I am there...

When can I stop confusing??

♥ SunGlasses Bybae ♥

Seriously, I have been exhausted recently. I have been exposed to new people, new task, new environment and new challenges. Undoubtedly, I gained new experiences again ^^ I was unspoken and I would rather to keep silent than nagging all the time. There is an ego in my heart. I knew it~ Nothing can change..

Sunglasses brighten my day ^^
You know why??
Because it makes me feel that I am COOL ~ ♥

Day time with sunglasses

Night time with sunglasses

P/s : Just a simple short post to you guys showing that Bybae is still alive and living her Uni life diligently.

Lord told me that he will bring somebody to me,
bring someone that for me to love~
bring someone that will love me with his true heart ^^

♥ Viva Bybae ♥

I have been through a wickedly week and today is the termination of the torment. I feel glad to received great news after the examination in specialist hospital. I experienced on how to love and care to someone sincerely. I wish to have a friend so passion and enthusiasm just like me in my life!! (over-confident~ * chuckle in front of my lappy * ^^)

It's raining quite often last week and today I saw the lovely sun shining on my face (",) I can sense the warm in her heart ♥ so vividly and the rainbow in there smiling at me ^^ This is a heart to heart connection between people so naturally.

Last night, a nice boy treated me and my friend a wonderful dinner and yet I did a stupid thing in the end. But it is a sweet meal~ Sorry to my dear roommate that you are the victim that can't able to share the food because of my careless >.<"

I had a relaxing conversation with a girl just now, what she had told me is really inspiring me. She told me that fate isn't mean it has to be near, sometimes it just comes suddenly and it really means it's your destiny. I feel envy that she married to a good and responsible guy. She said :" He is the only one can let me feel that he can be reliable and he is better than what I thought after I married to him." I can feel the power from her words deep in my heart. I am happy that I am still single now because I don't simply pick a boyfriend randomly before this. ( I am still waiting for the right man in my life ^^)

p/s: I love to stay in room 214 ^^ I will never forget our agreement in 214~ ♥

Love is not found through searching,
it's always there for you~
Love is something which surpasses
gentleness and strength~

♥ Heart Query ♥

I love to ask questions~
I want to know what is the thing...
I want to know who make this...
I want to know why it will like this...
I want to know when it happens...
I want to know where it will gone..
I want to know how is it be...

To be honest, I feel that today I am mature. No smiling face, No funny expressions, No flirting, No playful actions... I don't mind how people judge on me. I don't bother why people don't understand me. I don't care what is the response from them. I am still believing that the one I care for will feel it through their heart someday, somehow, somewhere... I am pondering how life be and how to treasure the things and people in my life. I have been working so hard to live my simple life...(We learned lessons from every single experience in our life. Thanks to you for teaching me how to love and appreciate.)

When I start knowing you, it takes a few second of my life...
When I start talking to you, it takes a few days of my life...
When I start mixing with you, it takes a few weeks of my life...
When I start concerning about you, it takes a few months of my life..
When I start understanding you, it takes a few years of my life...
When I have to let go you, it takes my whole life...

I am praying harder for you to be healthy ^^
Faithfully from Bybae~ ♥

♥ Love is in my mind ♥

At this particular time, I am busy with my university life. Everyday, I am busy with my projects, proposals, assignments, quiz, tests and college's activities. It has been one week I didn't contact with my lovely family members and my dear friends. Frankly, I came back to my university with the heaviest heart ever in my life due to the pretty short holidays for my Chinese New Year celebration. Last two days I was skype-ing with my grandparents and my best buddy Vivian. I felt so warm even it was only a short web-caming and I really treasured the conversation very much~ ♥

I received my mum's call just now during my college's JPK meeting. I have strong feel when I heard her sweet voice as I was so exhausted after I had a day long activity today. Moreover, I just finished a Japanese drama which entitled : 'A Litre of Tears' this evening, seriously I cried badly when watching it. I am inspired by Aya Kito of her strong determination to live on and on even she has to fight against her incurable disease.

I won't write diary like what the actress do but I will express my feeling on here to the one I love and care for. Without hesitation, I want to say I MISS you guys so much~!

I MISS my PARENTS
I MISS my BROTHERS
I MISS my GRANDPARENTS
I MISS my UNCLES & UNTIES
I MISS my COUSINS
I MISS my BEST SISTERS
I MISS my FRIENDS
I MISS my DOG too~

deep in my heart~

I ♥ the moment we smile together ^^