不要怀疑，就是写给你看的

好一句：催。催。催。天天催。。。

一个能力范围之内的事情。

如果你觉得需要超过半年还不做。

你还有资格这样来抱怨。

你知道我在意的那份心意在哪里。

一个简单的要求。

是为了考虑到你。

不想刁难为难你。

我降低了标准。

我委屈了自己。

你还想怎么样。

我不能怎么样了。。。

难道我过分了吗？

今天因为你，我伤心了。

一辈子都要记得！

不要怪我幼稚。

我是太久没有任性了。

不代表你就可以敷衍我。

不要让我的不理智占据了我所有的思想！

♥ Black and Red ♥

My first autumn in Japan and I am pretty lonely. The fallen leaves and the freezing cold wind blows towards my warm face. It has been months and seasons yet I still cannot remember the disappearance of you from my life forever. I  remember that night, my tears bursted out of you because I thought you were still can watch me for every important processes in the rest of my life. This is the second times, I dreamed of you and it is the third times I have to accept the fact. I know the feeling of repentance will get stronger as time passes because I dislike the leaving without a word. I know god wants me to learn how to accept and let go of you. Last night, I saw you alive right by my side but you left me again...... The reality never changed and I am not changing as before... I am still sad....

This morning, I strolled around the campus alone. I really enjoyed my time with the falling maple leaves along the quiet alley (I longed for this red leaves watching in Canada when I was in my secondary school). The journey alone might be timid, sometimes I lose the courages, the only motivation is the instinct of adventurer. It keeps me moving to the unknown future. It is similar to the fact that I would never know when I can actually let go of you... 

有人说叶子的离开是受不住风的诱惑～

我看这片红叶只不过是想把愉快的红点缀大地的黑～

每一片红叶都承载着枫树的祝福～

从树枝展翅，轻盈地飘舞，完美的降落～

虽然短暂却都是赏心悦目的过程～

秋季也谓思念之季～

遍地的落叶，数不尽的思念～

任由无关痛痒的人无情践踏～

只有付出情感的人才懂得珍惜～

每每红枫叶都是种种美好回忆～

想说不要执着于离开了枫树避风港～

就算失去了曾经最真挚的亲近～

总会有个人把你捧在手中～

你愿意成为我的神仙棒吗？

陪我创造更多神奇的未来吗？

I miss you 

♥ Am I Back ♥

I have almost forgotten how I love to blog until I searched for my blog's url and read again my posts 5 years ago. The posts reminded me a lot of my sad experiences and happy stories. I feel touched when I read and I can still remember vividly what was happened during the past 5 years. I lost my dearest grandpa and I am still hard to accept the truth. I know this very well especially when I saw his photo in one of my post and I can feel the sourness in my nose as well as the warm water twisted in my eyes. His leaving changed me. I insisted to reveal it to anyone because I understand I am not the only one who need to endure the soreness of losing someone you love. Last night, I had a video call with my grandma, my empathy to her is even stronger when I saw her scrawny face. I have many stories to share yet I tend to keep it personal because we learned to be self-protective when we come of age. I am afraid of being exposed to everyone including the people who criticized me. I brought my mind to the previous me at the moment I read one of my writing about myself to live beyond others' expectation and definition. I am glad that I used to share my life experiences in this blog so I can still remember all my memories after 5 years and I am enjoyable in reading all of them. I am still proud to be me. Thank you for the people in my life. I am grateful that I can get rid of a dull life with the appearance of everyone of you in my life no matter how long you been. It's time to transformation in term of integrity. 

It has been 3 months I leave my home country,
Here I came to a new environment in Japan.
This lovely place located in Ishikawa Prefecture.
Once again I experience many of FIRST time here.
I have my First Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, 

Ukrainian, German, American, Indonesian....  friends.

In diversity, learned their spirit and their cultures.

Fortunately, I am still proud as Malaysian.

Hopefully, Malaysians can eliminate the habit of sub-grouping.

Tough journey but I have faith in Malaysians.

We can be better than this once we are united.

To my love in my life,

I appreciate your great efforts,

I may be not confident sometime,

I am afraid of changing my mind too,

I had a dream a couple nights ago,

I confide deep in my heart and soul,

I can only share my love with you,

I wish our love will be blessed forever.

~I will be back~

♥ To Choose ♥

 It has been almost a year I never been here. Tonight is the right time to ponder what I have done throughout the year. Time flies in a wink, from the last semester of my degree life to my first job life and I am now welcoming the next adventures of my future. I faced a lot of  confusions and struggles in making decisions among family, friends, lover, colleagues and so on. I took a longer way to make my move from time to time. I did mistakes and I gained tolerances from the people around me. I am sorry that I might be too stubborn to listen or accept something that I am disagreed with. I do not know how well I understand myself but I figured out that nobody will know me more than myself. I came to the age where I have to choose every single decision and be responsible to what I have chosen. I know this is tiring but I have to do so in order to build a better future for me. 

I know I am leaving very soon,

I feel heavy while count-downing,

I am eagerly to hold you tight,

I have lost my rationality,

I did this because I care for you,

I am glad to have you by my side,

I pray hard every moment,

I hope everything will go smooth,

I wish all my dreams will come true.

Thank you for that lonely night,
Your accompanying comforted me, 
I remembered you said to me,
Please be sincere to your heart,
Chase away all your afraid,
Reveal to someone you trust,
I told you something honestly,
It was true, WAS a truth...

P/S: When love is faded away, what will I do? What will you do? Do 2 years are too long or short for the answer? Only god knows...